Matt Walker

Stand-up Comedian, Actor, and Critic...of Everything

The many faces of Matt Walker
h8r

Thursday, March 13, 2014

Recording My Debut Comedy Album March 22nd

Hey everyone- I'm recording my first comedy album, H8R, on March 22nd at the Ice House in Pasadena. Also performing are Mike Muratore, Stephen Glickman, and Tonya Moon.

There are two shows- 8:30 and 10:30. Tickets are $10 at the door, but if you tell me you're coming, I'll get you on the guest list for half off tickets. Just e-mail me at matt@funnymatt.com to tell me that you're coming, how many tickets you need, and which show you want to come to.

As an added bonus, everyone that goes to this show will get a FREE digital copy of the album when it's released!



Monday, February 10, 2014

Twitter Header Sizes (AKA Screw You, Twitter!)

If you follow me on social media, then you undoubtedly know that I like to make fun Twitter headers where I copy my face onto interesting pictures. Twitter, however, sucks balls, and likes to screw with their format for doing this. Their latest web interface update changed the location where the profile photo is displayed, and now you have to adjust for the white border it adds on the profile image yourself. It took me a while, but I was able to make my own template for making Twitter headers. You can download it here as a Photoshop file if you like that kind of thing. Just put your image in that file, use the guides to crop out where the profile icon appears, and save them as separate files. Then upload and amaze your followers with your 1337 h4x0r 5k1llz.



Monday, June 17, 2013

A Decade Down the Tubes

10 years ago today I set foot on stage (if you can call a portion of the bar at a bowling alley a stage) to do comedy for the very first time. I did a minute of "jokes" that I seem to recall went over somewhat well. Within two weeks I was doing 2-3 open mics a week (bombing pretty much every time), and within the next two months that was up to about 4 nights a week pretty solidly for the next few years. I've met lots of interesting people, learned many new things, and had experiences I never would have had this not happened. I've been lucky enough to work with some very talented people, and have learned a few things that I'll pass on to newer comics (who will ignore this just like I probably would were I in their shoes).
  • Have fun- seriously, if you're not having fun, what the hell are you doing this for?
  • If you can quit, you probably should- stand-up comedy is hard. You'll run into obstacles that are frustrating, and you'll second guess whether this is the right thing to do. If you aren't driven to continue to do stand-up, if you don't have a passion for it, if you don't get jittery when you take a week off, then those who are driven, who are passionate, and who are effectively addicted will pass you by. Find what your passion is and do that, but don't waste your time with stand-up.
  • The success of your peers is a good thing, even when they suck- you're going to work with lots of comics, some of whom are great, and some of whom are awful. People you know will see mainstream success, some of whom are great, and some of whom are awful. It's always a good thing for comedy in general. Comedians having jobs leads to more comedians having jobs. Unless they look and sound just like you, you're not really competing with any of them for any jobs, so just suck it up and be happy for them, regardless of how you feel about them as performers. Then trash talk them to your comedian friends behind their back, like we all do.
  • If someone says you can do their show only if you bring a certain number of people, tell them to fuck off- bringer shows are bad for comedy. They are a shortcut to get on stages that once held some cachet, but no longer do. You get to be on the main stage at the Comedy Store? Big deal. It's no longer anything of which you can be proud, since ANYONE WILLING TO BRING TEN PEOPLE CAN DO THE SAME THING. They prove nothing, validate your career in no way, and for people who have been in the industry a while, they indicate that you're new and/or shitty.
  • No one cares- doing a big show that you're nervous about? Don't worry, no one cares. Seriously- you could bomb and do the worst 20 minutes anyone has ever done on stage, and it won't really affect your life and career in any way. Even if it was at a TV taping, it won't matter. I saw someone who I started out with bomb terribly on HBO, and now he's got his own TV show and is highly promoted by Comedy Central. You know why? Because no one in the Hollywood side of the business cares about how well you do. So stop being so nervous about your show at a dive bar in the middle of nowhere.
  • Bookers don't care how funny you are- want to be on a great show? Send over a great demo tape to the booker, and prepare to hear nothing back from them, ever. Most of them don't care how funny you are, they only care about how many people are going to come buy overpriced drinks in their venue because of you. So find your audience, connect with them, cultivate them, and make it easy for them to share your comedy with their friends. The sooner you can do this, the sooner you can get on better shows.
  • Appreciate those who've come before you- watch video of those who have been successful, buy CDs of successful comedians, go see them live, and pay attention to what they do. Do this even if you don't find them funny. I have CDs from comedians that I don't really care for, but I've learned a great deal about how they deliver jokes, the way their jokes are structured, why that humor works for them, and how those techniques would work for me. Do that.
  • When you think you're good, you're not yet- After 6 months, I thought I was funny. I wasn't. After 2 years I thought I knew what I was doing on stage. I didn't. After 5 years I thought I was ready to showcase for club owners. Nope, not the time. It wasn't until about 2-3 years ago that I really figured things out. It takes about 1000 times on stage to really know what you're doing, and depending on where you live and what your workload is, that will probably take somewhere between 5-10 years to happen. Sit back and enjoy the learning process.
  • If you're under 30, you're boring- that's OK, you haven't had a chance to live yet. But just know that your stories about being drunk, or teen angst, or your youthful indiscretions are nothing compared to the stories of someone that has made decades of bad decisions in their life. So do your shitty mildly amusing jokes while you go out and live through some real events, and in a few years you'll have some material that can match the stage presence you're working on now.
Let me finish this off with a thank you to some of the people who have encouraged me, given me work, been my friend, and otherwise made this process easier. To Mike Muratore, Stephen Glickman, Kris Lezetc, Dante, Anthony Ramos, Eric Edwards, Joey Gaynor, Steven Pearl, Jen Murphy, Yul Spencer, Fred "Rerun" Berry (pictured with me about a month before he passed away), and I'm sure I've missed a few who deserve to be here, THANK YOU!


Friday, April 5, 2013

I See Dead People

It's been said that you know you're getting old when your idols start to die. Roger Ebert passing away this week is just the latest in a disturbing trend of my idols that are now dying off. Let's look at the list, shall we?


Buddy Rich- He was known as the World's Greatest Drummer for good reason. Died April 2, 1987.




Richard Feynman- a Nobel prize winner, brilliant author, and all around fascinating guy. Died February 15, 1988.




Sam Kinison- my favorite comedian of all time. He broke all the rules, yet it worked for him. Died April 10, 1992.




Stanley Kubrick- the greatest filmmaker to ever live not named "Hitchcock". He also did things on his own terms- the mark of a true artist. Died March 7, 1999.




Roger Ebert- the man that made me learn to LOVE movies, not just as entertainment, but as works of art. Died April 4, 2013.



What this tells me is that I hope David Garibaldi, Howard Stern, and Louis C.K. are very careful in February, March, and April from now on.


Thursday, April 4, 2013

Rape Sucks. So Does Libel.

Trigger warning- common sense, cogent arguments, and all around awesomeness.

There is a lot of talk on the Internet these days about "rape culture" and whether certain things are off limits for inclusion in humor or other forms of entertainment. Some recent examples I can think of are the Penny Arcade Dickwolves controversy, The Daniel Tosh heckler comeback, and now a problem with a comment someone made when introducing a screening of the Evil Dead remake.

I am a strong believer in the right to express yourself verbally in any way you see fit. If your speech has consequences, so be it. Suck it up and take them- don't apologize for your opinions just because they're unpopular. When you express an unpopular opinion, there will likely be some backlash. Hell, that's what's given me 150+ posts on mattwalkersucks.com.

I don't mind when I'm told I'm wrong, that I'm an idiot, that I should be burned at the stake, etc., because it's just some other asshole's opinion. They don't mean anything to me, and as such, I don't care what they think about, well, anything. But it seems that some persons are incapable of accepting that others don't agree with them.

The reason I bring this up is that in the examples I listed above, certain Internet users chose to express their outrage by saying that the guys behind Penny Arcade, Daniel Tosh, and now Nick Nunziata are PRO RAPE. That kind of ridiculous statement is what makes someone like me want to reject their entire argument about whether "rape culture" even exists. None of these people are PRO RAPE. None of them are advocating that actual rapes take place. In the examples listed, the "rapes" that occurred were a) in a comic strip, b) purely fictional in a heckler comeback, and c) done by a tree in a movie.

Saying these persons are a fan of rape, or that they're pro rape, or that they like rape is flat out lying about them, and is certainly libelous. Louis C.K. got accused of being a "Rape Apologist" just for sending Daniel Tosh a tweet saying that he liked his TV show.

If you want anyone to take you seriously when discussing these issues, deal with what was actually said in context, or you're just going to make your own case look bad. Rape is awful- we all agree about that. There are some legitimate points to be made about how we can prevent more rapes from occurring, but if you are someone that insists on saying that the word can't be mentioned without a trigger warning, or that jokes about it are NEVER funny, or that anyone who does use the term is encouraging/approving of/contributing to future rapes, then you're just hurting your own cause.

P.S. If you're disturbed not just by the concept of rape, but by hearing the word "rape" expressed in a flippant manner, then here's a hint- don't watch a movie that's a remake of a movie where a tree rapes a woman. It's not going to end well.


Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Twitter Troll

I know, I know, I haven't been blogging much lately. I'm busy, and I tweet most of my thoughts before they get to blog form anyway. Speaking of me tweeting, I've compiled some of my best tweets and put them in an e-book that you can get for the low price of whatever you want to pay. That's right- name your own price. Go find out all about it at: http://www.funnymatt.com/twitter_troll.html

You can buy it directly from me, or get it through Amazon on your Kindle. Enjoy!